Beliefs, Behaviors, & Habits
Leading yourself from where you are to where you want to be is all about taking the first small step, then the next one, then the next one ...
“After you put your feet on the floor in the morning, immediately say this phrase, “It’s going to be a great day.” As you say these seven words, try to feel optimistic and positive.”
― B.J. Fogg, Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything
Habits have always amazed me. The ease with which we adopt ones that don’t serve us well. The difficulty of the effort to change ones we know we need to change (and think we want to change). The challenge of where to begin. The wonder and worry about how long it will take.
Oh, and let’s not forget the angst of starting, then seeing ourselves slip back into the very behavior we had just begun to change.
Been there. Done that. Too many times to count.
I’m curious: What are you thinking about right now? Broken New Years Resolutions? Weight loss programs you’ve started and stopped? Some other commitment you made to yourself, acted upon for a while, then stopped without even realizing it? Or, maybe, you’re thinking about a habit you successfully put into place?
Whatever experience you’re recalling is all about habits and about how beliefs and behaviors impact our efforts to change them. So let’s explore the subject a bit.
Have you ever heard or seen these words attributed to Dr. Maxwell Maltz?
“It takes 21 days to develop a habit.”
Memes with this phrase abound and many of us have accepted this statement as fact. I’ve often heard it invoked during conversations about everything from building teams to getting results with marketing campaigns to getting more exercise to changing the way you eat.
But, there’s a problem with this oft-cited quote. It’s lacking context and missing an important word (James Clear spells it out here). Maltz actually said it takes a minimum of 21 days — subsequent research suggests the average time to develop a habit is 66 days, with a range of 18-254 days.
Good news or bad news?
I’d say good because we can choose what we believe, and choosing to believe it takes longer than you’ve always thought to create a new habit is a powerful mindset shift. It’s also a pretty comforting thought when you look back at times you didn’t get traction in the first 21 days!
Now all you need to do to begin the journey from where you are to where you want to be is to find the right way to get started. And I’d recommend starting here (more about this idea later):
You see, what often gets in our way when we decide to adopt a new habit is the size of the change we’re seeking.
For example, for most of my adult life, my weight fluctuated in a ± 20-pound range. When I’d hit the number on the scale that was too close to the plus-20 number, I’d decide (again) to change my behavior and get back down near the minus-20 number.
And I was very good at it. So good I repeated it every 2-3 years for almost 4 decades.
But every time I started it was a daunting task. The goal of losing 30-40 pounds, the desire to do it as fast as possible, and adhering to whatever eating program I was trying this time around. Always an overwhelming challenge, but one that I loved because I knew once again I would win (and I believed, maybe I should say owned, that I could/would do it all over again somewhere down the road).
Because in my mind there was a number I was incapable of going below. My mental set-point was the belief I could never weigh less than 200 pounds. I also believed I was in some way wired to struggle with the problem for the rest of my life.
After nearly four decades of riding the weight loss roller coaster with its 20-pound rises and falls, I found myself atop a higher peak knowing it had to change.
But this time one thing was different.
I’d read B.J. Fogg’s book and learned the power of making small (tiny) changes and repeating them daily. That helped me see the task differently, and enabled me to start.
My simple first step was to not eat sugar in between meals. All I had to do was make it from breakfast to lunch without sugar. Then from lunch to dinner. Then dinner to breakfast.
One simple action. Repeated with intention. Tracked and monitored. And no berating myself when I slipped for a moment, or even a day. Just keep doing one thing.
By now I’m sure you get the point, you probably got it you saw the picture of the book, and I’m grateful you continued reading. Because the point of this post has NOTHING to do with weight, eating or a number on the scale.
In fact, I’m a tad disappointed in myself for taking this long to make it, because I teased it in the opening quote (but, like Mark Twain once wrote on a postcard: “I didn’t have time to write you a short letter, so I wrote you a long one.”).
You see, my real point was to share how things changed for me this month when I decided to take B.J. Fogg’s suggestion from the opening (and now closing quote):
“After you put your feet on the floor in the morning, immediately say this phrase, “It’s going to be a great day.” As you say these seven words, try to feel optimistic and positive.”
I started doing this every day last month. Simple. Easy. And game-changing — give a try tomorrow, and the next day, and the next …
P.S. I’d love to hear what happens when you do, and if you know someone who should start doing this, please share this with them to nudge them to get started.