You Can't Be You When You're In the Wrong Room
In the right rooms you will discover the person you are meant to be.
Have you ever left a reception, event, meeting, or party feeling totally drained? If you have, then you know what I am talking about. Even though you were amicable, smiled, and engaged as expected, something just felt off from the moment you walked through the door.
Deep inside you felt disconnected, unprotected, ill at ease, and you didn’t know why. Those voices that love to torment you inside your head kept telling you you didn’t belong here, that you had nothing to offer, that you would rather be anywhere else.
Sound familiar?
The easy answer to why you felt uncomfortable might be that you are an introvert (or maybe an ambivert) and can only engage at that level for brief periods of time.
But I invite you to consider another potential cause…
You were in the wrong room and you could not be who you really are.
If you nodded your head when you read that, then you understand. You know what it feels like to be in places where you just don’t fit. You see the world differently from most of the people in those rooms, you are passionate about things they are disinterested or unaware of, you feel that no one notices or cares you are there. You don’t know what to say, and if you are brutally honest with yourself, you don’t really care what any one else has to say because you just don’t feel like trying to get them to see your perspective.
It’s not because you think you are better than anyone else, that you believe they are not at your level, or that you think they are any better than you. You just recognize at a deep level they are different from you and in this case the voices are right — you don’t belong because it is the wrong room for you.
And that is perfectly OK.
The reality is that no one is right. No one is wrong. It is what it is: There are places where we belong, where we light up, where we walk away energized wishing we could stay longer, places where we know the minute we cross the threshold that these are our people.
And there are places we don’t.
The opportunity (or challenge) is to explore why you feel so alive in some situations and so disconnected in others?
For me, it looks like this…
What makes me come alive is being with people who care about things that matter that can make a meaningful difference in the world. People who think big inspire me, they challenge me, they push me, and they help me discover more about who I am and what I believe. They bring out the best in me and I am able to help them do the same. We resonate with each other, care about similar things, and believe in our ability to impact the world and the people in it. I know without a doubt I belong there and am supposed to be there.
What exhausts me is walking into a room where the energy is weak or unbalanced in some way, and the conversations are fragmented and seem more intent on proving value and worth than learning about others. I feel it from the first hello, and generally look for a way to escape as soon as possible. That doesn’t mean I don’t see value in those people or that I feel somehow superior, we just don’t resonate.
In contrast, in the rooms where I belong and am with ‘my people’ I feel it physically and emotionally. The energy is palpable. The vibration is almost visible. Even the air feels different. I stand taller and engage with enthusiasm. I smile more with my eyes. I ask more questions as the voices in my head go silent. I listen and learn more than I do anywhere else.
What I’ve learned from my life’s journey is this…
The right rooms for me are rooms where I can be who I really am. Rooms where there is no need to pretend because I am 100% aligned. That silences the voices, that calms the nerves, that creates the connection to my soul. And it helps me live up to my true potential.
What about you? How do you feel when you know you are in the right room? How do you feel in rooms where you know you don’t belong?
TAKE ACTION: I encourage you to commitment to finding the rooms where you belong and putting yourself there as often as you can. Because you can’t be you when you are in the wrong room, and nothing is more draining or unfulfilling than not showing up as who you really are.
The First Step…Be present when you are in rooms for the next 30 days and make note of how you feel, what you think, and what you do in each situation, including whether you felt you belonged in that room. If you felt you didn’t make a note of why. At the end of the 30 days, see if you can identify a way to put yourself in the right rooms more often, then start choosing to do it.